Get Into the BOX

HARD DISK GIRLS: she remembers everything, FOREVER RAM GIRLS: she forgets about you, the moment u turn her off WINDOW GIRLS: everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her. SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She makes horrible thing look beautiful CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster. EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as “wife” when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose something, if don’t try you uninstall her, you will lose everything…

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
Customer Support employee with a
caller:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I
help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and
all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look
like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything
when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did
you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the
screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor
around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor, I told you,
it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power
indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it
that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when
it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well then, look on the back of the
monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug,
and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."

"... ...Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did
you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not
just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look
back
there again and find the other cable."

"... ...Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your
computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on
something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have
the right angle -
it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and
the only light I have is coming in
from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light
then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage?!? Ah,
Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer
came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the
closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug
your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got
it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose.
What do I tell
them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own
a computer."

Installing Love

TECH SUPPORT: Yes, ... how can I help
you?

CUSTOMER: Well, after much
consideration, I've decided
to install Love. Can you guide me
though the process?

TECH SUPPORT: Yes. I can help you.
Are you ready to proceed?

CUSTOMER: Well, I'm not very technical
but I think
I'm ready. What do I do first?

TECH SUPPORT: The first step is to
open your Heart. Have you located your
Heart?

CUSTOMER: Yes, but there are several
other programs
running now. Is it okay to install Love
while they are running?

TECH SUPPORT: What programs are
running?

CUSTOMER: Let's see, I have Past Hurt,
Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment
running right now

TECH SUPPORT: No problem, Love will
gradually erase Past Hurt from your
current operating system. It may
remain in your permanent memory but
it will no longer
disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override
Low Self-Esteem with a module of
its own called High
Self- Esteem. However, you have to
completely turn off
Grudge and Resentment. Those programs
prevent Love
from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?

CUSTOMER: I don't know how to turn
them off. Can you tell me how?

TECH SUPPORT: With pleasure. Go to
your start menu and
invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many
times as necessary
until Grudge and Resentment have been
completely erased.

CUSTOMER: Okay, done! Love has started
installing itself. Is that normal?

TECH SUPPORT: Yes, but remember that
you have only the
base program. You need to begin
connecting to other
Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

CUSTOMER: Oops! I have an error message
already. It
says, "Error - Program not run on
external components."
What should I do?

TECH SUPPORT: Don't worry. It means
that the Love
program is set up to run on Internal
Hearts, but has
not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical
terms, it simply means you have to
Love yourself
before you can Love others.

CUSTOMER: So, what should I do?

TECH SUPPORT: Pull down
Self-Acceptance; then click on
the following files: Forgive-Self;
Realize Your Worth;
and Acknowledge your Limitations.

CUSTOMER: Okay, done.

TECH SUPPORT: Now, copy them to the
"My Heart"
directory. The system will overwrite
any conflicting
files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you
need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism
from all directories and empty your
Recycle Bin to make sure it
is completely gone and never comes back.

CUSTOMER: Got it. Hey! My heart is
filling up with new
files. Smile is playing on my monitor
and Peace and
Contentment are copying themselves all
over My Heart.
Is this normal?

TECH SUPPORT: Sometimes. For others it
takes awhile,
but eventually everything gets it at
the proper time.
So Love is installed and running.
One more thing
before we hang up. Love is Freeware.
Be sure to give
it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. Th ey
will in turn share it with others and
return some cool
modules back to you.

CUSTOMER: Thank you, God.