Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect
Customer Support employee with a
caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I
help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and
all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look
like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything
when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did
you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the
screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor
around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you,
it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power
indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it
that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when
it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well then, look on the back of the
monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug,
and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"... ...Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did
you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not
just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look
back
there again and find the other cable."
"... ...Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
plugged securely into the back of your
computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on
something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have
the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and
the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light
then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage?!? Ah,
Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer
came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the
closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug
your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got
it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose.
What do I tell
them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own
a computer."
